Satori plays hardball
by IgnitionSkyer
Summary: Satori Komeiji kicks it up a gear hoping for the best, but y'win some, y'lose some right?


Satori plays hardball

Author note: Attention my friend I think Satori is excellent so don't get the wrong info yo.

Chapter 1: Satori gets intense with the rivals like

Satori Komeiji was one day alive and she was kinda a bitch but on the bright side she wasn't fuck-ugly so it was a good start.

Her sister Koishi was too German and they were always fighting because of that I guess. Satori hated all the stuff Koishi liked. Koishi liked better stuff than her and looked better and wasn't a bitch. Also Koishi was like one of those gay sounding germans but was female so it evens out.

Satori punched her butterfly knife in the handle and said "Damnit why can I not beat my stupid fuckin' loser piece of shit sycophant homo dweeb sister at stuff. It is makin all my efforts to slay her real fuckin lamentable y'know"

Koishi peeeeeer'd round the door while wearing clothes and a hat and said "You've no chance to defeat meee, why don't you go back on your stupid tumblr and tell your team who I probably destroyed"

Then Koishi got on the waterslide she installed in their house and went upstairs to her room and watched Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (Which is AWESOME! I like Joseph! I bet he could beat up all the shoes who aren't space-proof!)

Satorio totally growled with viciousness and got on the tumblr like she was told to and she called her most loyal subject.

She was all "My number one follower, Hakumen! We must now take revenge on my dumb sister who doesn't like social justices!"

Hakumen was on skype with her and said "Yes my princess I agree wit' yer mission statement over thar."

Hakumen came round later,... On skateboard. (awesome like jojo)

He stood up real tall and they talked. "Okay milady whatre we doing"

"First we will play dark soap until we find a charater to join our crew, im thinking either ornsteen or quelaeg or Grevlord Neato."

"But park souls is really boring I dont wanna play"

"Too bad hackerman when you are on my team you must play soap park all day until you are a social jusice warrior and then you will buy ark soul 2 and it will have NO ORNSTEEN"

Hakumen coughed out of utter misery then he started playing. he chose to be a bandit, he wasn't a dumbass though so he chose the old witch's ring as his start gift because it's the only good one.

Hakumen looked at Satori and said "why am i loyal to you I heard your sister plays tony hawk instead of this."

Satori headbutted hakumen until he cried. then he was full loyalness again to her.

Chapter 2: koishi finds the stuff

When koishi went upstairs she bought a pickaxe and she broke satori's locked door lock down and went in

She was sad because there was an evil lab and she though satori was too nice To Have an Evil lab. there was a test tube loser.

"Wow this guy is a loser test tube" said Koishi at the test tube loser. He had purple hair, was 4 foot 9, had a USA flag on a pole instead of a right arm and the eiffel tower tattooed on his left cheek. His name was definitely Samuel.

Koishi clicked her fingers and HER squad arrived. It was only two people but at least it was Marisa and Meta Cooler.

Metal cooler said "Okay Samuel get out of the damndt tube and gimme an fight."

Samuel got out but he was made of social justice warrior anti good power. that means he picked up metal cooler and folded him up into a trash cube and destroyed him. then meta coler died.

"God damn samuel" said mariser but she didn't go to her death like meta cooler.

Satori and Hakumen came into the room. they agreed that this was the best thing samuel had done yet since he was in a sccience test tube before this.

there was a stare off..

koishi looked at satori and said "big sis how could you make such a stupid thingy, you need to hack its tumblr and erase it before it infects the world."

Satori laughed and said. "No you fool, me and my new french-americano creation Samuel are going to possess the entire world and get them to agree with our tumblr posts about how we are social justice warriors who worry about social justice social HaAHAHahah.a2."

"Perhaps it is time I personally knocked you down a peg, you wretched scrubber" Said Bowser.

Satori responded. "Hi there." Then she launched her three prehensile tongues toward Bowser, one went down his throat but the other two pierced his stomach, then they absorbed all his life force. she also secretly turned his eye sockets into empty eye sockets because she ate his eyes to absorb his 202020 vision.

Then their new dark soap friend Solaire entered. He was crap.

"I heard you scum types were opposin' social justice eh?" he screeamd at Koishi and Marisa. "You rubes are gonna die for that"

Satori, Solaire, Hakumen and Samuel all posed as the ultimate team of Social Justice Warriors. Nobody would have fun on their watched, they were gonna send everyone shit in the mail and never stop being on tv about crap nobody cares about.

Marisa died from exposure to tumblr losers, and it was kinda heartbreaking actually.

Then Koishi pulled out her v watch, pulled the god hand bracer off her arm, did the charging go and activated her blazblue knowing it would summon her newest ally to win the fight for her.

It did. It TOTALLY DID!

The social justice gangsters (That's their team name) shuddered because their new greatest fear entered, it was RYU HAYABUSA.

"SHIT" said Samuel! "BUT I THOUGHT NO-ONE KNOWS WHERE A NINJA GOES"

"You thought wrong, short-ass" Ryu Hayabusa cackled, he juggled all his bitchin' ninja weapons and invited social justice people to pick their deaths.

"I choose the chain-scythe" said Solaire who SUCKED.

Koishi laughed because her ninja pal was about to lash a bunch of people to bits.

Satori "No my dear sister, how could you betray our noble cause like this? Do you truly seek for such an eternally tenebrous malady of the mind to cut the brakes of our anarchic individualism? Do you not feel the malice that you are so abjectly gripped by?"

Ryu Hayabusa was grinnin' real happy like. "Ma'am did you just make a VEHICLE REFRENCE?! That was ACE! I am so all about doing that! In fact, I'm HARDCAR!. That's like Hardcore with a car."

Koishi made car noises. So did Hakumen.

"please let me fucking live" said hakumen.

"RRWRWRRWRWWEEEOOORWRRWRRrrrr" screeched Ryu Hayabusa as he ninja gaiden'ｄ his way over to hakumen and did his secret chain scythe powerslide attack and cut his head off and it exploded.

Solaire went to action and tried to use his sword and the sun and lightning spear to defeat him, but cars run on electricity and some are solar powered so HE DIDN'T DO SHIT TO RYU HAYABUSA！！！！！！

Ryu Haya-BUS-a( get it) drove straight throught Solaire's traffic made of projectiles and punched him right in the knee

"bugger it, not me fuckin knee" solarirer squealed. then ryan heyaboaser did his famous gut punch and knocked the breathing out of solar and he couldn't breathe so he was about to die but he actually died.

He actually died because ryan hayaBusey cut his arm off and stuck it down his throat then used his ninja magic to uproot a public fountain and dump it on soilair and the fountain water extinguishified the sun fire.

Solaire was dead for realsies now.

Chapter 3: The final two villains.

Koishi and Ryu Hayabusa agreed with satori and samuel that there would be a 2 on 2 fight.

"Okay bitch prepare to die" said Satori who wanted to replace her missing blood with her traitorous sisters' for irony and for kicks.

Samuel was shit scared of Ryu Hayabusa. Generic looking ninjas never acted this badass or made those kind of noises. He cried.

"Mistress Satori! Please don't make me fight him! Chivalry is long dead so you should let me finish destroying your sister so you uh-... Don't have to touch her! Yeah that's a good one."

Satori grinned. "But you are a proud member of the Belanger clan, you can do anything."

The belanger clan was a really french clan that didn't know how to write and kept nearly dying because it was inept.

Samuel was pleased though. "Yes! I am Samuel Belanger and I am INVINCIBLE! I AM AN UNSTOPPABLE NIGHTMARE OF ABLEISTS AND ANTI-FAT PRIDE VILLAINS ALIKE. NOBODY CAN STOP ME."

Ryu Hayabusa got his dual swords and said "Now you will face the oniwaban style double kodachi goho juuji! Hyaah!"

Samuel SO wasn't ready and in seconds Ryu Hayabusa had cleaved his hands off. Then the ninja made more car noises again. Then Koishi got him to sign an 8-bit picture of that time when he said he'd get his revenge.

Koishi was too close, and tentacles started to burst out of Samuel's missing hand slots, they went at Koishi and got real stabby at her chest. He was totally trying to merge with her to stop the bloodloss.

"Now you must destroy your best friend Koishy if you ever plan on stopping the great Samuel Belanger" he cackled.

But. Koishi was heroic.

She looked at Ryu Hayabusa.

"Hey dude I'm playing in the road, y'know what happens when kids play in the road when you're being a car, right?

"Yeppers" Ryo HayoBuso responded.

Koishi closed her eyes and prepared for the impact as Samuel continued to connect to her, laughing as he did so.

Ryan Hayabusa ran up and pushed Koishi over! She was sad.

then he said "Eww she's on the ground where all the dirt is you don't wanna merge with HER do you Samuel?"

And samuel cried and said "No waaayyy!" and retracted his tentacle limbs out of her.

Now that he was free to hit, Ryu Hayabusa jumped in the air and did ten backflips and ten flip kicks and some kick flips and a 900 and landed next to Samuel full of enthusiasm.

He was so enthusiastic that when he punched samuel, samuel's entire body exploded into dandelions.

Ryua Haubusoa knew this was the best human explosion. "Hooray!" he said, and he grabbed dandelions to blow the seeds all over the place for effect.

Koishi was still said. "Hey you didn't mean that right? I'm not really in the same place as all the dirt am I?"

But he helped her up and gave her a high five and said "No, you were never on the floor I made that part up. That means we just have to kill Satori and we can party."

Koishi smiled "Okay I forgive you we're compadres."

Satori was getting depressed, her plan to absorb all that new blood had been proved to be a retarded idea because she'd get punched to dandelions. She wanted to reason with them.

"Look can we just not fight I think maybe we can call it a tie and be all 50% victory each."

Koishi smiled "Make it 70-30 to us and maybe I'll even find you some blood so you don't die anyway."

Satori was not a chav so she did not say "Y'got blood mate" but instead she reached her arm out for a handshake and said. "For this day only, social justice warriors and whatever your team is will call it a peace treaty"

And koishi took the handshake and said "No you lost because 70-30 but I like handshakes."

Ryu hayabusa grabbed his confused mind and asked "What's a social justice?"

The two sisters laughed and decided to take him to watch youtube videos on the subject.

But they couldn't. Someone had locked them in their room.

They had to wait at least 5 days before help arrived and on the third day Koishi and Ryu Hayabusa killed and ate Satori to survive.

"Hahaha I locked the hell outta that ENTIRE FUCKIN' DOOR" chortled MOSES JONES, THE TRUE WINNER HERE.


End file.
